The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
