I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
