I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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