I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
