Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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