its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
