You just made me feel so damn special
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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