Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
