I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
