Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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