I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
