I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
