remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
