omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
