Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
