If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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