Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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