I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
