So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
