So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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