I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
