Kiss
Puke
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
