i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
