took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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