I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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