I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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