There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
