Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
