i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
