Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
