You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm too high and old for this...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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