she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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