so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
its liver damage thursday
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