so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
