i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
