I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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