my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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