I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
