The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
