I just saw a hot homeless man
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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