theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
