I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
