WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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