At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
