I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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