I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
