i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
