So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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