Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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