Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
