so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
