How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
