I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
