You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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