mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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