my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
