well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
