I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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