That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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