She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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